Personal Flaws

Personal flaws: Everybody has them. Nobody is perfect. And you know this just as well as I do. If you disagree with me and think you're perfect... then that's one of your flaws! People always say "The sooner you find your problem, the sooner you can fix it." Or can you?

I think. This is the root of most of my problems. I think too far ahead, try to plan things out, screw up, and feel worse than I did in the begining. I used to do high jump in track. If I stood up to the line, ran, and jumped without thinking, I'd make it over. Every time. But I couldn't! Thoughts would just pop into my head: "Remember to arch my back..." "Don't let my hand hit the bar..." "Did I measure my steps right?" By this time I've already screwed up my jump. Sometimes, I get so caught up in thinking that I can't act in time and loose my oppertunity. This is why I have an unimpressive love resumae. I don't want it this way. I want to change.

I can't share. I just can't. I relly don't know why... What's mine is just mine. I don't like it this way. If anybody has ever come into my room, I'll flip out if they touch anything. Consider yourself lucky if you've ever borrowed my laptop charger. I'm willing to admit I've been reduced to tears over the fact that I can't share. (Long story for another time) I KNOW that I have a problem... but I can't fix it! Knowing doesn't help; It hurts. Alot.

And that's good. The more it hurts, the more motivation you'll have to stop the pain. Once you have enough motivation... you'll stop! But the question is, where is that line? How much pain must you go throuhg in oder to try and fix your problems? By that time, will it be too late? If so then you're back where you started, except you're a quivering mess.

We're not perfect, so some of our flaws can never be fixed. We have to learn to live with them. Sometimes I try to put myself into a spot where I can't think ahead. I ask if somebody wants a cookie. But they're still there... deep down I'm a selfish asshole who over analyzes. I just don't want the rest of the world to think that I am. I try to be better in othe areas: If somebody asks for help with something, I'll help. I try not to directly insult people. I try to listen to everyone's oppinions. But for some reason negative traits always outweigh the positive ones.




Oh well.